Driven by fear and shame I hid. My body ached; my shoulders tightened. My accolades created the perfect camouflage.
Did you know I’ve traveled the world serving God? Both our sons were born in foreign lands. Kyle in Belize and Karson in Papua New Guinea. Please ask me what that was like? How much time do you have?
I am a registered nurse I’d declare and an athlete by choice. I’d hide by leading with my fitness physique. My fear and anxiety well covered by my beauty was hidden deep within. Not daring to allow its escape I did what I knew well.
Work was a familiar friend to both my husband and I. We were needed and led with our abilities while fear and anxiety lurked in the shadows of our lives together. Early in our marriage under the umbrella of missions we found ourselves working and leading others from early morning till we collapsed at night.
I often ask myself when joy eluded our life together. Did it vanish or was it present covered by so much fear and disappointment?
Growing up in a low joy environment I never remember hearing about fairy tales or had them read to me. I never remembering dreaming of what my life would look like. I didn’t picture that perfect wedding nor what I thought a family was. I do remember dreaming of one day living by the sea. That I thought, would create the perfect me.
Psalm 27 :13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Far from magical or imaginary my life and story of transformation with all its tragedies has led me to joy; transformational joy. You know that sparkle in another’s eyes that says I am happy to be with you. That joy has changed my life. Gratitude exudes me.
Have you ever worked tiresome nights on a puzzle and finally all the pieces begin to fit together? The process speeds up as you celebrate the home of one of the last pieces. There’s victory in your voice and overwhelming joy in your eyes. The sense of accomplishment relaxes your whole body. You are at ease. You triumphantly slide that last piece into place. It fits perfectly.
This is the feeling I am left with after Lanny’s and my week at Thrive training. I look forward to sharing more about joy and how it is shared.
In what ways have you experienced joy? Has this joy brought change to your life?