1 Thessalonians 5:21 Test all things, hold fast what is good.
Have you ever wished you could make a certain emotion go away? Do you have a recurring feeling that doesn’t feel true, but you can’t seem to identify what’s causing it or where it’s coming from?
It was a beautiful day. The sun shone and the song of the birds filled the air. Answering my phone, I heard her voice, “Do you have time to talk?” I promised to return her call as soon as I could.
I was not shocked by the call. In fact, my mind had thought about our interaction together the day before over the past hours. I hated how I felt. I silently prayed as I dialed my friends’ number.
Her words came slowly as if she was carefully choosing them. She explained that our conversation and visit the day before had left her hurt. “Your words made me feel unimportant, I felt like you were closing the door on our friendship.” I listened silently as I focused my attention on her emotion. I reflected on how much God had used her in my life to help with an area of need. As we hung up, I reaffirmed my love and appreciation for her.
Alone in my office I was aware of an emotion I had felt many times. I’ve learned to ask God, “When have I felt this emotion before.” My mind raced to just a few days prior when a lady I had done some business with approached me with a huge hug. Her hug said volumes to me, and I felt insufficienct to meet her unspoken need. I wanted to run. This feeling of overwhelm, fear, insufficiency is something I feel often.
My heart was saddened by how it was affecting those I truly loved and cared for. I prayed Father God, “Where is this coming from; is there a trauma it is associated with?” I heard nothing. My mind filled with thought of condemnation. I waited; Holy Spirit said, “Go take communion.”
Opening the crackers and pouring the juice I reflected on Jesus and God’s promises. Thank you, Jesus, for all you have done.
Instantly I saw our oldest son only six months old in his crib screaming. I had fed, changed and rocked him. Nothing I did would stop his screams. Rocking him only created more frustration for both of us.
We lived I Central America in primitive conditions with no electricity, or fans. There was nothing I could do for him on this blazing day of 100 degrees. Placing him in his crib I left our 10×12 house. The top half was screen, so his screams were audible as I walked around the house. I don’t remember praying. My thoughts wandered to God what is wrong with me. I can’t even settle my son. There’s nothing I can do to help him.
I recognized the lie I had believed, “I’m not enough.” I began to cry to Jesus, “Please forgive me for believing that I could meet Kyle’s or anyone’s needs without your power. I’m so sorry Lord for all the times I was filled with frustration and shame. Forgive me for all the thoughts of desperation that haunted my dreams at night. Lord I’m so sorry I did not depend on you. I can’t do this without you. Thank you, Father, for your healing.”
I continued to pray, “Jesus where were you when I left our home and listened to the screams of our son?” In my mind’s eye I saw Jesus in the crib with Kyle. He was lying beside him rubbing his back, keeping him cool. I heard the song of angels.
Picking up the cracker and juice I thank God for sending his son Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, for all you’ve done for us. Thank you for your immense love for all your children. We partake in remembrance of your death and resurrection. We celebrate the freedom we are granted because of the shed blood of Jesus Christ.
Have you ever had a heavy weight lifted off of you? Have you ever experienced years of guilt and shame washed away?
None of us are enough without the blood of Jesus. It’s not about us but rather what Jesus has already done for us.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Are there recurring negative emotions that you would love to be free of? What is the lie that the enemy has told you? What is the truth from God’s word that you believe today?